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Stress Model: Landmarks of Emotion

In this unit, we will explore the Flourish Empowerment Model for emotional regulation. Managing stress is a key part of decoding emotions, and this model draws inspiration from Kristy Arbon's Somatic Self-Compassion Model, which emphasizes body awareness and self-care.

By identifying your personal landmarks of emotion and stress, you can:

  • Recognize when you are approaching overwhelm.
  • Take proactive steps to soothe and calm yourself.

This helps regulate your emotions and prevents your brain from interpreting stress as danger, which can trigger fight-flight-freeze or fawn responses.

When overwhelmed, you might fall into old patterns such as shutting down, hiding, pleasing, or perfectionism. Frequent stress patterns like these can leave you feeling:

  • Drained and exhausted.
  • Less in control of your life.
  • Lacking in self-confidence and self-trust.

The Four States of Being

The model identifies four states of being:

  1. Rest
  2. Challenge
  3. Approaching Overwhelm
  4. Overwhelm

1. Rest

Rest is a calm and effortless state where most of our behaviors are conscious and deliberate.

  • Rest is essential but often underappreciated due to the brain's survival bias, which makes rest seem unimportant or dull.
  • Recognizing and valuing moments of rest can add balance to your life and support emotional regulation.

Signs of Rest

  • Breathing calmly and freely.
  • Feeling content.
  • Loose, relaxed muscles.
  • Clear thinking.
  • A sense of spaciousness or spiritual awareness.

Reflection Activity:

Take a minute to jot down your personal signs of rest. Consider:

  • Thoughts, sensations, and feelings.
  • What your body wants to do.
  • Activities or images that represent rest for you.

2. Challenge

Challenge is a state where you:

  • Use your resources effectively.
  • Learn and grow by living in alignment with your values.
  • Maximize your strengths.

Signs of Challenge

  • Feeling alert, curious, or excited.
  • Mild irritation or tension, but still able to learn and engage.
  • A sense of determination and focus.

Reflection Activity:

Write down your signs of being in a challenge state. Focus on:

  • Thoughts, sensations, and feelings.
  • What your body wants to do.
  • Activities or images that come to mind when you think of challenge.

Staying in Challenge

While in challenge, it’s important to:

  • Concentrate on the task at hand, even when it’s difficult.
  • Avoid slipping into overwhelm due to perfectionism, shame, or external demands.

3. Approaching Overwhelm

As you transition from challenge to overwhelm, you may notice signs such as:

  • Mild irritation escalating to unmanageable frustration.
  • Feeling confused, panicked, or out of control.
  • A desire to escape, avoid, or shut down.

Common Signs of Moving Toward Overwhelm

  • Worrying or racing thoughts.
  • Fuzzy thinking.
  • Tight muscles or a racing heart.
  • Negative or spiraling thoughts.

Reflection Activity:

What are your personal signs of moving from challenge to overwhelm? Consider:

  • Body sensations, feelings, and thoughts.
  • Images or activities that occur in this state.

4. Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a natural response when you’ve experienced more than you can handle.

  • It signals the need for a break and self-compassion.
  • While overwhelm is normal, it’s important to pay attention to and address it.

Signs of Overwhelm

  • Indecision or procrastination.
  • Feeling teary, disconnected, or numb.
  • Tight muscles or a desperate urge to hide, sleep, run away, or fight.

Reflection Activity:

Identify your personal signs of overwhelm by noting:

  • Thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.
  • What you want to do in moments of overwhelm.

Self-Awareness Skills for Stress Management

Tuning in to your body’s signals is key to emotional regulation.

Instead of masking or ignoring your needs, you can develop self-awareness skills to better respond to stress.

Recommended Skills

  1. Timer Check-Ins
    • Set an alarm 2–3 times a day to assess your emotional state.
    • Ask yourself:
      • What am I feeling in my body?
      • What do I need?
      • What can I do to help myself?
    • Record your responses in a journal, phone, or audio file.
  2. Body Scans
    • A guided body scan helps identify physical sensations and emotional states.
    • Regular practice can improve self-awareness, reduce anxiety, and enhance emotional regulation.

Reflection and Group Activity

Reflection Questions

  1. How have societal or family structures taught you to ignore signs of overwhelm?
  2. Were you taught that your body’s signals don’t matter or are unreliable?

Group Activity: Understanding Overwhelm

  • Discuss how lack of understanding and support in a neurotypical world contributes to overwhelm.
  • Reflect on how societal structures benefit from ignoring your body’s needs.
  • Explore whether you’ve learned to push through overwhelm to please others.

Practical Tools for Stress Management

The following tools will help you identify emotional landmarks and regulate stress:

Body Feelings Words

Use descriptive words to pinpoint physical sensations:

  • Examples:
    • Chest: Tight, fluttery, heavy.
    • Legs: Heavy, tingly, numb.
    • Eyes: Stingy, blurry, or focused.
    • Jaw: Clenched or tight.

The Feelings Wheel

Refer to the Feelings Wheel to name and understand your emotions.

Final Notes on Stress Regulation

  • Building Self-Trust: Paying attention to your body’s signals strengthens self-trust and confidence.
  • The Role of Practice: Skills like body scans and timer check-ins require practice but are essential for emotional regulation.
  • Balancing Push and Rest: It’s important to balance pushing yourself and allowing yourself to rest.