What We Have Covered So Far
A Group Recap
So far in Flourish, we have been building a different way to understand ourselves as ADHD women.
This group has not been about fixing ourselves or becoming less ADHD. It has been about learning what our brains, bodies, emotions, nervous systems, and relationships need in order to feel more supported.
We have covered neurodivergence, stigma, emotions, emotional regulation, stress states, self-compassion, and rejection sensitivity. Across every module, we have been practicing the same larger shift:
- from shame to understanding
- from forcing to support
- from masking to self-awareness
- from self-criticism to self-compassion
- from people-pleasing to self-advocacy
- from pushing through to self-care
- from self-doubt to self-trust
Flourish is built around the idea that ADHD women do not need more pressure. They need accurate information, practical tools, supportive environments, and permission to work with their brains instead of against them.
The Flourish Model
The Flourish Model includes five core skills:
Together, these skills help rebuild self-trust.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness means noticing what is happening inside you and around you without immediately judging yourself.
It asks:
🔵 What am I feeling?
🔵 What am I thinking?
🔵 What is happening in my body?
🔵 What do I need?
🔵 What pattern am I noticing?
🔵 What is making this harder or easier?
Self-awareness is not rumination. It is not replaying every mistake. It is not watching yourself for flaws. It is the practice of noticing with curiosity.
This matters because ADHD women often move through the day on autopilot, especially when overwhelmed, masking, or trying to keep up. Self-awareness helps interrupt that pattern. It gives you information before you reach full overload. Self-awareness means observing what we are doing, feeling, and thinking. It helps us ask questions such as, “What am I doing?” “What am I feeling?” and “What is happening in my body?”
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means responding to your own pain with care instead of criticism.
Many ADHD women learned to use self-criticism as a motivator. They were taught that being hard on themselves would keep them from failing, falling behind, or disappointing people.
But self-criticism often increases stress. It can make emotional regulation harder. It can make procrastination worse. It can deepen shame and make it harder to recover after mistakes.
Self-compassion helps you pause and ask:
🔵 What is hard right now?
🔵 What do I need?
🔵 What would support look like?
🔵 Can I respond to myself without punishment?
The self-compassion workbook names three core parts of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. It also teaches that self-compassion begins with noticing struggle and asking, “What do I need right now?”
Self-Accommodation
Self-accommodation means changing the conditions instead of forcing yourself to function in conditions that do not fit your brain.
This includes using external supports, reducing friction, honoring sensory needs, planning around energy, asking for written information, using timers, making tasks smaller, and building supports before crisis.
Self-accommodation asks:
🔵 What would make this easier?
🔵 What support does my brain need?
🔵 What am I trying to force that could be accommodated?
🔵 What environment would help me function better?
This skill is especially important because many ADHD women were taught that support means weakness. Flourish teaches that support is part of regulation, executive functioning, and self-trust.
Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy means naming needs, setting limits, asking for support, and communicating more honestly.
It can sound like:
🔵 I need more time to think about that.
🔵 Can you write that down for me?
🔵 I am overwhelmed and need a pause.
🔵 I need a gentler way to talk about this.
🔵 I cannot take that on right now.
🔵 I want to repair this, but I need to slow down first.
Self-advocacy does not mean being harsh. It means allowing your needs to matter.
Self-Care
In Flourish, self-care is not about doing wellness correctly.
Self-care means supporting your body and nervous system so regulation becomes more possible.
This includes sleep, food, hydration, rest, movement, sensory breaks, recovery time, connection, quiet, and realistic care.
Self-care asks:
🔵 What does my body need?
🔵 What helps me recover?
🔵 What drains me?
🔵 What am I overriding?
🔵 What would make today more sustainable?
Self-care is not separate from emotional regulation. It is one of the conditions that makes regulation easier.
Workbook 1: Introduction to Flourish
In the first workbook, we introduced Flourish as a supportive, skills-based group for ADHD women.
Also see Orientation and Week 1 Introduction to Group Week Two Continued Intro on the site
The group is not therapy. It is a space for education, peer support, reflection, and skill-building.
We named that you are not required to show up perfectly. You do not have to turn your camera on, speak, share, attend every week, or pay attention in a specific way. You are welcome to take breaks, stim, doodle, fidget, knit, arrive late, leave early, or absorb at your own pace.
What We Learned
We learned that Flourish is not about becoming less ADHD. It is about becoming more supported, more aware, and more connected to yourself.
We learned that many ADHD women have spent years trying to become someone else’s version of functional. They may have tried to hide their needs, push through exhaustion, manage themselves through criticism, or perform wellness in ways that did not fit their brain.
This group began with a different message: you are not broken, and this space is not about fixing you.
We also learned that safety, pacing, and choice matter. You are allowed to participate in ways that work for your nervous system. You can listen quietly, take breaks, keep your camera off, move, fidget, doodle, or step away when needed.
The first workbook introduced the larger purpose of Flourish: unlearning shame, creating more supportive environments, practicing the Flourish skills, understanding old coping strategies, and rebuilding self-trust.
Skills Introduced
🔵 Moving at your own pace
🔵 Taking breaks when needed
🔵 Showing up without performing
🔵 Practicing trauma-sensitive sharing
🔵 Noticing feelings and needs
🔵 Practicing simple check-ins
🔵 Rebuilding self-trust
🔵 Reconnecting with body, voice, and boundaries
🔵 Letting growth look different for different people
Main Takeaway
Flourish begins with permission to stop performing and start noticing what actually supports you.
Workbook 2: Learning About Neurodivergence
In Workbook 2, we learned about neurodivergence and the neurodiversity framework.
Also see Week Three Module Neurodiversity and Stigma → You Are Not Broken: Neurodiversity, Stigma, and Identity Week Four Neurodiversity and Stigma
The main shift was this:
ADHD is not a personal failure.
It is a valid neurotype.
The problem is often the mismatch between your brain and the systems around you.
This workbook taught that neurodiversity means human brains vary naturally. ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and other forms of neurodivergence are differences in how nervous systems process, respond, learn, feel, and engage with the world.
What We Learned
We learned that many ADHD women grew up hearing that their differences were flaws. They may have been called lazy, dramatic, scattered, disorganized, too sensitive, irresponsible, or too much.
Over time, those outside messages can become internal beliefs. They can start to feel like facts, even when they began as misunderstanding, stigma, or ableist expectations.
We also learned that ADHD affects more than attention. It can affect executive functioning, motivation, emotional regulation, time perception, sensory processing, task initiation, and self-trust.
This module helped us begin replacing shame-based explanations with more accurate ones.
Instead of “I am lazy,” we can ask:
What kind of support, structure, clarity, or accommodation is missing?
Instead of “I am too sensitive,” we can ask:
What is my nervous system responding to?
Instead of “I cannot do life right,” we can ask:
What expectations were built for a different kind of brain?
Skills Practiced
🔵 Understanding ADHD as a valid neurotype
🔵 Separating ADHD from personal blame
🔵 Naming executive functioning differences
🔵 Recognizing how outside messages shaped internal beliefs
🔵 Identifying shame
🔵 Understanding masking
🔵 Recognizing discrimination
🔵 Naming the Gold Standard Woman
🔵 Reframing old labels
🔵 Using neurodivergent-affirming language
🔵 Asking, “What support does my brain need?” instead of “What is wrong with me?”
Main Takeaway
This module helped us shift from self-blame to context. ADHD traits are not moral failures. They are nervous system and executive functioning differences that need understanding, support, and accommodation.
Workbook 3: Emotions
Workbook 3 focused on emotions.
Also see Week 5Module Emotions → Understanding Your Emotional System Week 6 Module Emotions → Finding Emotional Sovereignty
We learned that emotions are not weaknesses. They are biological signals. They help us notice danger, connect with others, focus attention, recognize physical needs, protect boundaries, and understand what matters.
What We Learned
We learned that most of us were not taught how emotions actually work. Many ADHD women were taught messages about emotions instead.
They may have learned that emotions were dramatic, irrational, inconvenient, weak, too much, or something to hide.
This workbook taught a different frame.
Emotions are biological. They are fast. They are protective. They are part of how humans survive and connect.
We also learned the difference between emotions and feelings.
Emotion = body signal
Feeling = brain translation
The body reacts first. The brain then tries to make meaning of the body signal.
This helps explain why you may react before you can explain what is happening. Your body may already be activated before your thinking brain has words.
We also learned that feelings are shaped by body states, past experiences, core beliefs, family messages, cultural expectations, gender socialization, and current context.
That means emotions are not random. They are signals, but they are also shaped by history.
Skills Practiced
🔵 Understanding emotions as body-based signals
🔵 Distinguishing emotions from feelings
🔵 Recognizing that the body reacts before the thinking brain catches up
🔵 Noticing body signals
🔵 Naming emotions
🔵 Building emotional vocabulary
🔵 Understanding how core beliefs shape emotional reactions
🔵 Recognizing family, culture, and gender messages about emotions
🔵 Beginning to trust emotions as information
🔵 Connecting emotions to needs, safety, connection, boundaries, and values
🔵 Asking, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”
Main Takeaway
Emotions are not proof that something is wrong with you. They are information from your body and nervous system. You do not have to obey them immediately, but they deserve to be noticed and understood.
We learned that emotions are not weaknesses. They are biological signals. They help us notice danger, connect with others, focus attention, recognize physical needs, and understand what matters.
The workbook teaches that emotions are biological, fast, protective, and part of how humans survive and connect. It also explains that many women were taught to label emotions as dramatic, irrational, inconvenient, weak, good, or bad instead of understanding them as signals.
Workbook 4: Emotional Regulation
Workbook 4 focused on emotional dysregulation.
Also see Week 7 Emotional Regulation → Staying With Yourself Under Stress
We learned that emotional dysregulation means emotions activate quickly and feel intense. Once activated, it can be hard to calm down, think clearly, or know what to do next.
What We Learned
We learned that emotional regulation challenges are common in ADHD, even though they are often left out of the official diagnostic conversation.
For many ADHD women, emotions may rise quickly, feel overwhelming, and take longer to settle. This can be connected to nervous system sensitivity, executive functioning demands, stress, sleep, sensory overload, hormones, rejection sensitivity, alexithymia, interoception differences, and years of masking or pushing through.
We learned that dysregulation can show up as activation or shutdown.
Activation may look like crying, snapping, panic, anger, urgency, emotional flooding, or feeling unable to pause.
Shutdown may look like going quiet, numb, foggy, frozen, disconnected, or unable to respond.
We also learned several patterns that can make regulation harder:
Quick activation
Emotions rise before the thinking brain catches up.
Emotional loops
The brain may replay conversations, mistakes, worries, or self-critical thoughts.
Slow downshifting
The body may stay activated even after the situation has passed.
Stress-conditioned alertness
A nervous system shaped by chronic stress may react quickly because it has learned to stay on guard.
A key shift in this workbook was understanding that judgment does not calm the nervous system. Support, earlier detection, and recovery time help more than criticism.
Skills Practiced
🔵 Recognizing emotional dysregulation
🔵 Identifying quick activation
🔵 Recognizing emotional loops
🔵 Understanding slow downshifting
🔵 Recognizing stress-conditioned alertness
🔵 Noticing shutdown patterns
🔵 Noticing activation patterns
🔵 Recognizing when thinking, focus, and problem-solving become harder
🔵 Using regulation tools to create a pause
🔵 Shifting out of emotional loops through movement, grounding, sensory input, or structured focus
🔵 Giving the nervous system time to recover
🔵 Understanding that judgment increases stress
🔵 Practicing the shift from “I need to control this” to “I need to support my nervous system”
Main Takeaway
Regulation is not suppression. It is not pretending to be calm. It is not making other people comfortable. Regulation means supporting your nervous system so you can regain access to choice.
The workbook explains that during dysregulation, emotions can appear suddenly, the body may react as if there is danger, feelings may be hard to identify, and thinking, focus, and problem-solving become harder because the brain is overwhelmed.
Workbook 5: Stress States
We learned that stress states describe how active the nervous system is at any moment. These states are not good or bad. They are clues.
Also see Week 8 Landmarks of Emotions & Stress → Mapping Your Stress Patterns and Body Signals and Week 9 Landmarks of EMotions and Stress Skills Group
What We Learned
We learned that the body is always sending information.
Stress can show up in body sensations, thoughts, emotions, urges, sensory responses, activities, mental images, and environmental cues.
Many ADHD women learn to ignore these signals. They may have been praised for pushing through, criticized for slowing down, or taught that rest meant laziness. Over time, this can make it harder to notice fatigue, tension, hunger, sensory overload, or emotional strain until the body is already overwhelmed.
The stress states model gave us a map.
The Four Stress States
Rest
Rest is when your body feels more regulated, calm, steady, and settled. You may feel safer, more connected, more open, and more able to think clearly.
Engaged
Engaged is when your body has more energy but still feels regulated. You may feel focused, curious, connected, interested, or absorbed.
Stretched
Stretched is when your nervous system is beginning to strain. You may feel tense, pressured, irritable, rushed, scattered, or as if you are holding everything together with effort.
Overwhelm
Overwhelm is when your nervous system is dysregulated. You may feel flooded, frozen, panicked, numb, scattered, shut down, or unable to think clearly.
What This Helped Us Understand
Stress is not only a thought. It is a body state.
By the time we are fully overwhelmed, it can be much harder to use skills. That is why this module focused on noticing earlier.
We practiced identifying our own stress clues before reaching full overload.
We also learned that stress clues may be different for each person. One person may get tense shoulders and racing thoughts. Another person may go quiet, feel foggy, or want to disappear. Another person may become restless, irritable, or urgent.
The goal is not to judge the stress state. The goal is to recognize it and respond sooner.
Skills Practiced
🔵 Recognizing Rest
🔵 Recognizing Engagement
🔵 Recognizing Stretched
🔵 Recognizing Overwhelm
🔵 Identifying nervous system landmarks
🔵 Tracking body clues
🔵 Tracking thought clues
🔵 Tracking emotional clues
🔵 Tracking urges
🔵 Tracking sensory responses
🔵 Recognizing environmental cues
🔵 Noticing when the body is beginning to strain
🔵 Listening to body signals earlier
🔵 Responding before stress becomes overwhelm
🔵 Asking, “Where am I right now?”
🔵 Asking, “What does my body need next?”
🔵 Using body scans
🔵 Using timer check-ins
🔵 Naming sensations
🔵 Locating sensations in the body
🔵 Practicing self-protection before overwhelm
Main Takeaway
Stress signals are information. When we notice them earlier, we can respond with support instead of waiting until we are already flooded, shut down, or depleted.
Specific Tools We Practiced in the Stress States Group
Body Scans
A body scan is a slow check-in from head to toe.
The purpose is to notice physical sensations such as tension, discomfort, numbness, heaviness, tightness, or restlessness.
You do not have to change anything. You begin by noticing.
A body scan helps rebuild connection with body signals that may have been ignored, overridden, or dismissed for years.
Timer Check-Ins
Timer check-ins are one of the clearest practical tools we practiced.
The tool is simple:
Set a timer two or three times a day.
When it goes off, pause and ask:
🔵 What am I feeling right now?
🔵 What do I need?
🔵 What small action might help meet that need?
This tool matters because when you are overwhelmed, masking, or pushing through, it is easy to go hours without noticing how you feel.
Timer check-ins gently interrupt that disconnection. They help you reconnect with your body before you reach full overwhelm.
Naming Emotions and Sensations
We practiced naming both emotions and body sensations.
This matters because many ADHD and neurodivergent women have difficulty naming what they feel, especially if they were not taught this skill, have spent years pushing through, or experience interoception or alexithymia differences.
Sometimes the body gives information before the emotion is clear.
You may not know if you feel sad, angry, anxious, ashamed, or overwhelmed yet. But you may notice that your chest is tight, your stomach feels heavy, your hands are shaky, or your body feels numb.
That still counts as information.
Examples of sensation words:
🔵 Tight
🔵 Fluttery
🔵 Heavy
🔵 Buzzing
🔵 Clenched
🔵 Warm
🔵 Numb
🔵 Shaky
🔵 Empty
🔵 Tingly
The skill is not getting the answer perfectly. The skill is beginning to notice.
“Do not know” is also information.
Locating Sensations in the Body
We also practiced asking where sensations show up.
Examples:
🔵 Head or face
🔵 Chest or heart
🔵 Stomach or belly
🔵 Arms or hands
🔵 Legs or feet
🔵 Not sure
This helps build a bridge between body awareness and emotional awareness.
Responding to the Body with Kindness
After noticing sensations, we practiced responding kindly.
Examples:
🔵 Thank you for telling me something.
🔵 I do not fully understand this yet, but I am listening.
🔵 I may not feel clear yet, but I am paying attention.
🔵 This is enough for right now.
This combines self-awareness with self-compassion.
The workbook introduces four common nervous system states: Rest, Engagement, Stretched, and Overwhelm. It teaches that learning to notice these signals earlier helps you respond before stress builds into overwhelm.
Workbook 6. Self-Compassion
Also see Week 10 Self-Compassion → Changing the Inner Relationship and Week 11 Self Compassion Part 2 Some Practices
In the self-compassion group, we focused on learning how to respond to ourselves with care instead of criticism.
After learning to notice emotions, dysregulation, and stress states, we moved into the inner relationship.
This mattered because noticing ourselves more clearly can bring up shame. We may begin seeing how often we push through, ignore body signals, overfunction, mask, people-please, criticize ourselves, or blame ourselves for struggling.
Self-compassion helps us notice what is happening without turning it into evidence against ourselves.
What We Learned
We learned that self-compassion means responding to our own pain with care instead of criticism.
It begins with noticing that we are struggling. Then we ask what kind of support, steadiness, or care is needed.
Self-compassion may look like speaking to yourself more gently, lowering the demand, taking a break, offering understanding, or asking, “What do I need right now?”
Many ADHD women learned to use self-criticism as a survival strategy. They may believe that being hard on themselves helps them stay motivated, avoid mistakes, keep from disappointing people, or stop themselves from falling behind.
But self-criticism often increases shame, stress, and exhaustion. It can make emotional regulation harder. It can make procrastination worse. It can deepen avoidance. It can keep the nervous system activated.
Self-compassion gives the brain and body a different message:
I am struggling, and I can respond with care instead of punishment.
The Three Parts of Self-Compassion
Mindfulness
Mindfulness means noticing what you are feeling instead of ignoring it, denying it, or getting completely pulled into it.
It can sound like:
🔵 This is hard.
🔵 I am struggling right now.
🔵 I feel overwhelmed.
🔵 Something in me feels hurt.
Common Humanity
Common humanity means remembering that struggle, mistakes, pain, overwhelm, and imperfection are part of being human.
It helps interrupt the feeling that you are the only one who struggles.
Self-Kindness
Self-kindness means responding to yourself with care instead of criticism.
It may include a gentler tone, a supportive phrase, a break, a lower demand, comforting touch, or one small action that helps your body feel safer.
What We Learned About Resistance
We also learned that self-compassion may feel difficult, unfamiliar, or unsafe.
Some ADHD women feel uncomfortable being kind to themselves because they were taught that kindness would make them lazy, selfish, weak, irresponsible, or less motivated.
We named common self-compassion myths:
🔵 Self-compassion makes you lazy.
🔵 Self-compassion means letting yourself off the hook.
🔵 If I am kind to myself, I will never get anything done.
🔵 Self-compassion is self-pity.
🔵 Self-compassion is selfish.
We learned that these beliefs often come from how people were taught to function, not from what actually supports change.
What We Learned About Backdraft
We also learned about backdraft.
Backdraft happens when kindness brings up discomfort, fear, guilt, grief, shame, or distress.
If you have spent years being hard on yourself, kindness may not feel safe at first. It may feel strange, undeserved, or emotionally exposing.
Backdraft can show up as:
🔵 Guilt
🔵 Grief
🔵 Shame
🔵 Fear
🔵 Tight chest
🔵 Lump in the throat
🔵 Heat
🔵 Pressure
🔵 Intrusive memories or images
🔵 Thoughts like “I do not deserve this” or “This is too much”
This does not mean self-compassion is wrong. It means the nervous system is reacting to something unfamiliar.
Skills Practiced
🔵 Noticing when we are struggling
🔵 Asking, “How am I feeling?”
🔵 Asking, “What do I need?”
🔵 Asking, “What might help right now?”
🔵 Pausing before pushing through
🔵 Naming what is happening
🔵 Validating our experience
🔵 Practicing mindfulness
🔵 Practicing common humanity
🔵 Practicing self-kindness
🔵 Recognizing self-compassion myths
🔵 Comparing self-compassion with self-criticism
🔵 Identifying moments when self-compassion is needed
🔵 Recognizing self-critical beliefs
🔵 Noticing when self-criticism increases stress, shame, avoidance, or burnout
🔵 Offering ourselves a kind or believable phrase
🔵 Lowering the demand
🔵 Taking a break before total collapse
🔵 Speaking to ourselves with less harshness
🔵 Using comforting touch
🔵 Recognizing backdraft when kindness brings up discomfort
🔵 Naming backdraft
🔵 Noticing backdraft in the body
🔵 Redirecting gently when self-compassion feels overwhelming
🔵 Practicing care after mistakes, shame, procrastination, overwhelm, or emotional spirals
🔵 Replacing punishment with support
Specific Practices Taught
Timer Check-Ins
Set an alarm once or twice a day and ask:
🔵 How am I feeling?
🔵 What do I need?
🔵 What might help right now?
You do not have to fix everything. The first step is noticing.
Pause and Name
Examples:
🔵 This is a hard moment.
🔵 I am feeling overwhelmed.
🔵 That really hurt.
🔵 I do not know what I need, but I know I am struggling.
Validate
Examples:
🔵 Of course I feel this way.
🔵 This reaction makes sense.
🔵 It makes sense that I am confused about how I feel.
Validation helps soften shame. Your emotions need to be noticed and accepted before they can be cared for.
Find a Kind Phrase
Examples:
🔵 This is hard. I am doing the best I can.
🔵 It is okay to feel tired.
🔵 I deserve support.
🔵 I do not need to be perfect.
🔵 Everyone makes mistakes.
🔵 I want to be kinder to myself.
The phrase does not have to feel perfect. It only needs to feel possible.
Manage Backdraft
When self-compassion brings up discomfort:
🔵 Name it: “This is backdraft.”
🔵 Name the feeling if possible.
🔵 Notice it in the body.
🔵 Use comforting touch.
🔵 Redirect gently with grounding, movement, or sensory support.
Main Takeaway
Self-compassion is not indulgent. It is a regulation skill, a shame-reduction skill, and a self-trust skill.
It helps us stay with ourselves when things are hard instead of abandoning ourselves through criticism, pushing, masking, or collapse.
Workbook 7: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Workbook 7 focused on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD.
See also Week 12 RSD Module → When Sensitivity Meets Threat: Understanding RSD Week 13 RSD week 2 and Week 14 RSD week 3 After practicing self-compassion, we brought that skill into one of the most painful emotional experiences for many ADHD women: rejection sensitivity.
What We Learned
We learned that RSD is not a personal weakness or a sign that someone is too sensitive.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is an intense emotional and physical response to real or perceived rejection, criticism, failure, disconnection, or being misunderstood.
It can feel sudden, painful, and hard to control because the nervous system reacts as if belonging or safety is at risk.
We learned that RSD is shaped by both ADHD nervous system sensitivity and lived experience. Many ADHD women have spent years being criticized, corrected, misunderstood, excluded, or expected to hide parts of themselves.
Over time, the brain and body may learn to scan for signs of disapproval before the person is fully aware it is happening.
We also learned that RSD can show up in the body, thoughts, emotions, and behavior at the same time.
It may feel like:
🔵 Panic
🔵 Shame
🔵 Dread
🔵 Anger
🔵 Numbness
🔵 Shutdown
🔵 Urgency
🔵 A strong need to fix the situation immediately
The mind may replay conversations, assume someone is upset, search for what went wrong, or treat a small cue as proof of rejection.
The body may tighten, freeze, feel hot, feel nauseous, go blank, feel flooded, or move into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Protective Responses
A major part of this group was understanding that common RSD responses are protective.
These may include:
🔵 People-pleasing
🔵 Perfectionism
🔵 Over-apologizing
🔵 Overexplaining
🔵 Hiding feelings or needs
🔵 Avoiding new things
🔵 Silencing yourself to feel safe
🔵 Withdrawing
🔵 Trying to stay likable or invisible
These patterns made sense when they formed. They helped protect connection and belonging.
Now we can ask:
Do these patterns still support me?
Or are they keeping me stuck?
The Main Shift
The main shift in this group was learning that the first step in an RSD episode is not to analyze, explain, fix, or force yourself to be rational.
The first step is safety.
When the nervous system is activated, the body needs regulation before reflection.
That is why we practiced the SOOTHE Protocol and the other RSD tools.
Skills Practiced
🔵 Naming RSD activation
🔵 Recognizing RSD triggers
🔵 Mapping body signals during RSD
🔵 Identifying thoughts that flood in during an RSD spiral
🔵 Recognizing panic, shame, dread, anger, numbness, shutdown, or urgency
🔵 Identifying fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses
🔵 Recognizing people-pleasing as protection
🔵 Recognizing perfectionism as protection
🔵 Recognizing over-apologizing as protection
🔵 Recognizing overexplaining as protection
🔵 Recognizing withdrawal as protection
🔵 Recognizing silence, avoidance, or hiding as protection
🔵 Understanding old coping strategies as adaptations
🔵 Recognizing people who spike RSD
🔵 Recognizing situations that spike RSD
🔵 Creating safety before solving
🔵 Regulating before reflecting
🔵 Using the SOOTHE Protocol
🔵 Using regulation tools before trying to process
🔵 Using distraction as a nervous system support strategy
🔵 Checking whether the body is ready to reflect
🔵 Reviewing the story when calmer
🔵 Separating facts from interpretations
🔵 Asking, “What might also be true?”
🔵 Asking, “What helps me respond now?”
🔵 Caring for yourself after making a mistake
🔵 Caring for yourself after real rejection
🔵 Asking loved ones for support
🔵 Using self-advocacy scripts around feedback, tone, check-ins, and repair
Main Takeaway
RSD work is not about convincing yourself that rejection never happened.
Sometimes rejection is real. Sometimes a mistake did happen. Sometimes a boundary was crossed.
The skill is learning to create enough safety in your body to understand what happened and decide what you need next.
That may mean comfort.
It may mean repair.
It may mean clarification.
It may mean distance.
It may mean a boundary.
It may mean asking for support.
In Flourish, RSD is not treated as something to shame yourself for. It is something to understand, regulate, and support with care.
RSD Tools We Practiced
The SOOTHE / Safety Protocol
The SOOTHE Protocol gives you a repeatable way to move through RSD by creating safety first.
SEE — Name What Is Happening
Examples:
🔵 This is an RSD episode.
🔵 I feel overwhelmed.
🔵 This feels unbearable right now.
Naming what is happening helps shift the brain from overwhelm toward awareness.
OWN — Validate That It Makes Sense
Examples:
🔵 Of course I feel this way.
🔵 My nervous system thinks I am in danger.
🔵 This pain is real, even if I do not fully understand it yet.
Validation interrupts shame.
OFFER — Self-Compassion
Examples:
🔵 This is hard, and I am doing my best.
🔵 I do not need to fix this right now.
🔵 I need care right now.
🔵 I am allowed to feel pain without judgment.
This step creates internal safety.
TEND — Support the Body
Examples:
🔵 Long, slow exhales
🔵 Hand on heart
🔵 Self-hug
🔵 Fresh air
🔵 Weighted object
🔵 Soft blanket
🔵 Cold water on hands or face
🔵 Rocking, swaying, or walking
🔵 Butterfly taps
🔵 Feet pressing into the floor
🔵 Naming three objects in the room
🔵 Calming music or sound
This step matters because the body needs safety before the brain can reflect.
HOLD — Stay With Regulation
RSD recovery may take time. HOLD means continuing to care for the body after the first wave has passed.
Examples:
🔵 Warm shower
🔵 Blanket
🔵 Slow walk
🔵 Time with a pet
🔵 Comforting show
🔵 Creative task
🔵 Gentle music
🔵 Continued body check-ins
Questions:
🔵 How am I feeling right now?
🔵 What do I need in this moment?
🔵 Am I pushing myself to get over it too quickly?
EXPLORE — Reflect When Calmer
Only after the body is steadier do we reflect.
Questions:
🔵 What actually happened?
🔵 What story did I tell myself?
🔵 Is there another way to understand this?
🔵 What does my nervous system need now?
Responding to RSD is not about invalidating yourself. It is about creating enough space to understand what happened and decide what support, repair, boundary, or care is needed.
My RSD Map
The RSD Map helps identify:
🔵 Common triggers
🔵 Body signals
🔵 Coping patterns
🔵 People who spike RSD
🔵 Situations that spike RSD
Common triggers may include criticism, correction, being ignored, exclusion, tone shifts, facial expression changes, silence, being misunderstood, mistakes, or asking for help.
Body signals may include chest tightness, nausea, shaky hands or legs, throat closing, brain fog, or head pressure.
Coping patterns may include over-apologizing, overexplaining, withdrawing, people-pleasing, trying to look perfect, or becoming angry or irritable.
Am I Ready to Reflect?
This tool helps you decide whether your nervous system is ready to process what happened.
Signs you may be ready:
🔵 Your breathing feels slower.
🔵 You can name one feeling.
🔵 Your body feels more grounded.
🔵 You feel less urgency to defend, withdraw, or fix.
🔵 You feel some curiosity.
Trying to think clearly while still in panic rarely helps. Reflection works best after the body has returned to some level of safety.
Reviewing the Story
This is the RSD processing template.
Step 1: What happened?
Step 2: What did I tell myself?
Step 3: What might also be true?
Step 4: What helps me respond now?
This tool helps you separate facts, interpretations, body reactions, and next steps.
Caring for Myself After Making a Mistake
This tool helps you process mistakes with care instead of self-punishment.
It asks:
🔵 What actually happened?
🔵 Was it intentional or accidental?
🔵 Did it cause harm, disappointment, or inconvenience?
🔵 What part of me feels hurt?
🔵 What story did this activate?
🔵 What would self-compassion look like?
🔵 Can I repair something and still treat myself with care?
Caring for Myself After Real Rejection
This tool recognizes that not all rejection is imagined. Sometimes rejection, loss, exclusion, or harm is real.
It asks:
🔵 What did they say or do?
🔵 Was a boundary crossed?
🔵 Is this part of a pattern?
🔵 What part of me feels hurt?
🔵 What emotion is strongest right now?
🔵 What need went unmet?
🔵 What would care look like now?
🔵 Do I need comfort, distance, expression, support, or a boundary?
This is important because Flourish does not ask you to explain away real harm. It helps you respond to yourself with care while deciding what you need.
Regulation Tools We Have Practiced
Grounding the Body
🔵 Feel feet pressing into the floor.
🔵 Place a hand on the chest and breathe slowly.
🔵 Name three textures you can feel.
🔵 Do a mini body scan.
🔵 Press feet into the ground.
🔵 Look around and name objects in the room.
Soothing the Senses
🔵 Hold something warm or soft.
🔵 Smell a comforting scent.
🔵 Sip cold water.
🔵 Chew gum.
🔵 Listen to calming music or nature sounds.
🔵 Wrap in a hoodie or blanket.
Shifting Energy
🔵 Butterfly taps.
🔵 Shake out hands.
🔵 Bounce gently.
🔵 Walk slowly.
🔵 Stretch with intention.
🔵 Tap feet.
🔵 March in place.
Comfort and Connection
🔵 Cuddle a pet or stuffed animal.
🔵 Text someone safe.
🔵 Use a blanket.
🔵 Repeat a gentle phrase.
🔵 Spend time near someone steady.
🔵 Ask for reflection instead of fixing.
Distraction as a Nervous System Tool
We also learned that distraction can be a regulation tool.
Distraction is not always avoidance. Sometimes it gives the nervous system a pause when thoughts are loud, emotions are overwhelming, or the body is frozen in panic or shame.
Examples:
🔵 Look for all green objects in the room.
🔵 Name three things you can see in one color.
🔵 Count up and down.
🔵 Spell words out loud.
🔵 Hum or sing a familiar song.
🔵 Tap rhythmically.
🔵 Name five fruits, animals, or green things.
🔵 Play a simple puzzle game.
🔵 Think of something you are looking forward to.
🔵 Picture yourself in a safe future moment.
Self-Advocacy Skills We Have Practiced
Flourish has also taught relationship and communication skills.
These include:
🔵 Explaining RSD to someone close to you.
🔵 Asking for feedback to be given gently.
🔵 Asking someone to check in before giving feedback.
🔵 Requesting collaborative phrasing.
🔵 Asking for reflection instead of fixing.
🔵 Asking for more positive feedback, not only correction.
🔵 Naming how tone and facial expressions affect your nervous system.
🔵 Asking for clarification instead of assuming.
🔵 Taking space before responding.
🔵 Repairing without abandoning yourself.
Survival Patterns We Are Learning to Replace
Across the group, we have named many survival patterns.
These include:
🔵 Masking
🔵 People-pleasing
🔵 Perfectionism
🔵 Over-functioning
🔵 Over-apologizing
🔵 Overexplaining
🔵 Hiding feelings
🔵 Hiding needs
🔵 Silencing yourself
🔵 Pushing through fatigue
🔵 Ignoring body signals
🔵 Withdrawing
🔵 Shutting down
🔵 Avoiding risk
🔵 Trying to be easy or low-maintenance
🔵 Criticizing yourself before anyone else can
🔵 Trying to look fine when you are not fine
These patterns are not signs of failure.
They are signs that you learned how to survive.
Now we are practicing different responses.
What These Skills Are Helping Us Build
All of these skills are connected.
Body scans help build body trust.
Timer check-ins help build self-awareness.
Emotion naming helps build emotional clarity.
Stress-state tracking helps prevent overload.
Self-compassion helps reduce shame.
RSD mapping helps identify triggers and early body signals.
The SOOTHE Protocol helps create safety before reflection.
Regulation menus help make support easier to access.
Self-advocacy helps protect your needs and relationships.
Self-accommodation helps make daily life more workable.
Self-care helps your nervous system recover.
Together, these skills build self-trust.
Self-trust grows when you repeatedly learn: