adhd and listening

Title: How ADHD Adults Can Become Better Listeners: Strategies for Success

ADHD women may face challenges in listening, which can lead to misunderstandings in interpersonal relationships.

This can lead to consequences of feeling misunderstood by neurotypical individuals who misinterpret their listening difficulties as a lack of care or attention. This can lead to a sense of disconnect or conflict in relationships at work or home.

For instance, one of my women on TikTok had an experience in which her husband became upset when she asked to see a list of options instead of trying to remember a verbal list. The participant explained, "Iā€™m listening to you. Itā€™s not that I donā€™t careā€¦ I just canā€™t keep all of these options straight in my head; I have to see it.ā€

Listening challenges, potentially stemming from ADHD symptoms, can be misconstrued as disinterest or disrespect by those who do not experience similar difficulties.

  • The following are key reasons why ADHD women might struggle with listening:
  1. Difficulty paying attention to conversations when bored
  2. Working Memory Challenges: This can lead to missed details in a conversation
  3. Racing activity of the Mind: Racing thoughts can divert attention from the conversation, mainly when bored or preoccupied.
  4. Difficulty Filtering Out Distractions/Sensory Overload: External noise and stimuli can overwhelm the brain, making concentrating on what's being said hard
  5. Emotional Regulation Challenges/ RSD: "Emotional dysregulation can make it challenging to absorb or process certain information.ā€

How to Advocate for Yourself with Friends and Family

Advocating for yourself in conversations is essential,. Here are some strategies to help you communicate your needs effectively:

  • Be Honest About Your Needs:

    • Explain to your friends and family how ADHD affects your ability to listen. Let them know that itā€™s not about a lack of interest but rather a challenge with maintaining focus. This can help them understand your behavior and reduce any potential frustration on their part.

  • Set Boundaries for Conversations:

    • If you know that long conversations can be overwhelming, set a time limit for discussions. You might say, "I want to give you my full attention, but I might need a break after 20 minutes."

  • Request Clarification:

    • If you need to catch up during a conversation, ask the speaker to repeat or clarify what they said. This shows you are engaged and want to understand, even if your attention wavered.

  • Use Visual or Written Cues:

    • Having notes: You can jot down key points or questions to ensure you donā€™t forget them.

How to Use Self-Accommodation

Self-accommodation involves creating strategies that make listening easier for you. You can implement personal accommodations to support your ability to listen effectively. Here are some self-accommodation techniques:

  • Minimize Distractions:

    • Find a quiet place to talk where you can minimize background noise and other distractions. This can help you focus more on the conversation at hand.

  • Ask for emotional charges to be delivered at times you are calm

    • Ask the speaker to consider this and arrange preset meeting times when you are at your most emotionally regulated

  • Use Tools to Aid Focus:

    • Tools like fidget toys, note-taking apps, or even doodling can help you stay engaged during conversations. These tools can channel your excess energy and help you listen more effectively.

  • Implement Active Listening Techniques:

    • Practice summarizing the speaker's words to confirm your understanding. This helps you stay focused and shows the speaker that you are engaged in the conversation.

How to Be Self-Compassionate

It's easy to be hard on yourself when listening challenges lead to misunderstandings or conflicts. However, practicing self-compassion is essential:

  • Avoid Negative Self-Talk:

    • Instead of criticizing yourself for difficulties in listening or relationship dynamics, remind yourself that ADHD-related challenges are not intentional behaviors. . Treat yourself with kindness,

  • Understand the Differences Between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent Communication:

    • Recognize that traditional communication rules may not align with how your brain naturally works. For example, interrupting or sharing a similar experience might be your way of connecting, even if it doesn't fit conventional norms. Remember, youā€™re not alone in this experienceā€”many neurodivergent individuals share similar communication styles.

  • Celebrate Small Wins:

    • When you successfully advocate for yourself with loved ones, pat yourself on the back. Acknowledge that listening with ADHD is challenging, and give yourself credit for your efforts.