ADHD Friendship Check-In: A Worksheet for Women

Friendships can be important and still take more planning, remembering, communication, and recovery than people realize.

This worksheet helps you figure out what is actually making a friendship difficult and what might make connection easier. It is not a test of whether you are a good friend.

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A friendship problem is not automatically a social-skills problem. Sometimes the friction is executive functioning, capacity, communication mismatch, past rejection, unclear expectations, or the relationship itself.

1. Which Friendship Am I Thinking About?

Person or relationship:

What do I value about this friendship?

What has been feeling difficult lately?

2. Where Is the Friction?

Check anything that fits.

I forget to reply even when I want to.

I lose track of how long it has been since we talked.

Making plans has too many steps.

I say yes before checking my capacity.

Getting ready, leaving the house, or arriving on time is difficult.

Group settings are hard to follow or exhausting.

Noise, crowds, restaurants, or other sensory demands make social time harder.

I need more recovery time than I think I will.

I worry that I talk too much, interrupt, miss something, or communicate differently.

I monitor myself so closely that social time becomes exhausting.

A misunderstanding happened and I do not know how to repair it.

I am afraid that a delayed reply or mistake means the friendship is damaged.

I have been rejected, criticized, excluded, or misunderstood before, and I expect it to happen again.

We want different amounts or kinds of contact.

I am doing most of the initiating, planning, adjusting, or apologizing.

I do not feel respected in this friendship.

Other:

The biggest source of friction right now is:

3. Is This an ADHD Logistics Problem, a Capacity Problem, or a Relationship Problem?

Sometimes more than one is true.

ADHD logistics may be involved when:

the friendship matters but messages, dates, planning, time, transitions, or follow-through keep getting lost
a practical support would probably make the task easier

Capacity may be involved when:

you want connection but are already overloaded
social time requires sensory, emotional, or cognitive effort you do not currently have
the plan itself is manageable, but preparation and recovery are not

Communication fit may be involved when:

one person prefers frequent texting and the other does not
one person processes quickly and the other needs time
indirect expectations keep creating misunderstandings
you communicate more easily in another format

Rejection history or anxiety may be involved when:

you expect criticism before it happens
you replay interactions or avoid reconnecting because you are embarrassed
you mask, over-apologize, over-explain, or agree because belonging feels fragile

The relationship itself may be involved when:

your limits are repeatedly ignored
mistakes become character judgments
conflict includes insults, pressure, manipulation, or punishment
you are expected to make all of the adjustments

Which of these best fits this friendship?

4. What Kind of Friendship Works Better for Me?

I tend to connect more easily through:

one-to-one time

small groups

shared activities

walking or moving while talking

parallel activities where we do not have to talk constantly

shorter plans

recurring plans that do not have to be reinvented each time

spontaneous plans

plans made well in advance

text

voice messages

phone or video calls

in-person conversation

quieter or lower-sensory settings

friendships where long gaps in contact are acceptable

friendships with more frequent contact

Other:

The conditions that help me feel most relaxed and connected are:

5. Check the Whole Cost Before Saying Yes

A plan is more than the time on the calendar.

Think about:

getting ready
travel
transitions
sensory load
conversation load
other obligations that day
recovery afterward

Do I have the capacity for the whole plan?

Would a shorter, simpler, quieter, or different plan work better?

A possible response:

“I want to see you. I cannot manage dinner this week, but I could take a short walk Sunday.”

6. If I Want to Reconnect

A delayed reply does not have to become a long explanation.

Try:

“I saw this when I could not answer, and then I lost track of it. How did it go?”

If the delay affected someone, you can acknowledge that too:

“I’m sorry I left you waiting for an answer. I know that made planning harder.”

A reconnection message that sounds like me:

7. If There Was Conflict

Ask:

What actually happened?

What part is mine?

Is there something I need to clarify or repair?

Am I taking responsibility for more than my part?

Was I treated respectfully during the conflict?

Do we need a conversation, a boundary, more time, or no further response?

8. Is This Friendship Reciprocal Enough?

Friendships do not have to be perfectly equal at every moment. Over time, though, there should be room for both people.

Ask:

Can I say no without being punished?
Can my friend tell me when something hurt without attacking my character?
Can I do the same?
Do we both initiate or contribute in ways that fit us?
Are accommodations and adjustments shared rather than expected from only one person?
Can we have different needs without one person automatically being wrong?
Do I feel more like myself around this person, or more monitored?

What feels mutual here?

What feels one-sided?

9. One Small Change

You do not need to redesign your entire social life.

One practical support I could try:

One expectation I could clarify:

One plan I could make easier:

One boundary I may need:

One person I would like to reconnect with:

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Try asking: What helps me participate in friendship with less unnecessary friction and more mutual respect?

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