Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often described as the “gold standard” of talk therapy. At its best, it helps people notice unhelpful thought patterns, shift behaviors, and build healthier ways of coping. But for some neurodivergent people—especially those with ADHD or autism—CBT doesn’t always feel healing. Sometimes, it can even feel a little like gaslighting.
That may sound surprising, but when therapy misses the mark in validating lived experience, it can leave clients questioning themselves instead of feeling supported.
What Gaslighting Really Is
Gaslighting happens when someone makes you doubt your own reality. In its classic form, it involves denial, distortion, blame-shifting, and subtle manipulation that leaves you second-guessing your memories and perceptions.
In everyday life, gaslighting erodes confidence. You begin to wonder, Am I imagining this? Am I overreacting? Can I even trust myself?
And while most therapists are not intentionally gaslighting their clients, some neurodivergent people leave sessions feeling something similar: invalidated, dismissed, or told their challenges are “all in their head.”
Why Neurodivergent Clients Might Feel Gaslit in CBT
For ADHD and autistic clients, certain features of CBT can unintentionally echo the patterns of gaslighting:
- Dismissal of Experiences – When struggles are written off as “irrational thoughts” or minimized to “just try harder,” clients can feel unseen. A woman with ADHD who shares how overwhelming daily organization is might be told, “Just focus more.” That advice overlooks the neurodivergent reality.
- Overemphasis on Personal Responsibility – CBT often emphasizes changing thoughts and behaviors. While this can be empowering, if therapists ignore systemic barriers—like lack of accommodations, bias at work, or years of stigma—it can sound like the client is simply “not trying hard enough.”
- Pathologizing Natural Traits – Neurodivergent traits such as needing routine, hyperfocus, or stimming can be framed as “problems” to fix. But for many, these are not flaws—they are simply part of how their brain works.
- Ignoring Trauma – Living in a world that misunderstands neurodivergence is often traumatic. When therapists encourage “moving on” without acknowledging that pain, it can feel dismissive—like the client’s reality is being erased.
How Therapy Can Feel Safer and More Validating
The good news is that CBT doesn’t have to feel invalidating. When done with care, it can still be a helpful tool. Here are some shifts that make all the difference:
- Validation First – Acknowledge that the client’s reality is real. Their struggles aren’t imaginary, and their ways of coping aren’t inherently “wrong.”
- Collaboration Over Correction – Therapy works best as a partnership, not a teacher–student dynamic. Listening deeply and adapting tools to fit the client’s brain helps avoid power struggles.
- Holistic Lens – Recognize the full picture: strengths, barriers, environment, and history. This isn’t about making someone “more normal.” It’s about supporting them to thrive as they are.
- Trauma-Informed Care – Many neurodivergent clients carry invisible scars from years of being misunderstood or excluded. Therapy should honor that truth, not gloss over it.
A Closing Thought
If you are neurodivergent and have ever left therapy feeling dismissed or unseen, know that it’s not a flaw in you. It may be that the approach didn’t fit, or that your therapist wasn’t attuned to your needs.
CBT can be powerful, but only when paired with validation, flexibility, and genuine respect for neurodivergent ways of being. Therapy should never make you question your reality—it should help you trust yourself more deeply.
You deserve that kind of space: one where your truth is honored, your strengths are seen, and your healing feels like it truly belongs to you.