ADHD and Daily Assertiveness Skills: A Simple Guide to Speaking Up with Confidence

ADHD and Daily Assertiveness Skills: A Simple Guide to Speaking Up with Confidence

What Assertiveness Really Means

Assertiveness isn’t about being louder or tougher. It’s about being honest. You say what you think, how you feel, and what you need—calmly and respectfully. You don’t have to let people walk over you, and you don’t have to be unkind. You can be firm and kind at the same time.

Why Assertiveness Matters (Especially as an ADHD Person)

As an ADHD person, you might find it harder to speak up. That can happen because:

  • You sometimes speak quickly without thinking it through.
  • You feel emotions more strongly and can get overwhelmed.
  • You doubt yourself or replay conversations afterward.

Learning to be assertive helps you:

  • Lower stress
  • Build healthier relationships
  • Protect your time and energy
  • Grow your confidence

A Daily Recipe for Assertiveness

You don’t need to master this all at once. Think of it as a small daily practice. Here’s how:

Step 1: Notice Your Day

At the end of the day, ask:

  • Did I say what I really felt or needed?
  • Where did I hold back?
  • How did that feel?

Awareness is the first step.

Step 2: Use “I” Statements

Speak from your own perspective instead of blaming.

  • ❌ “You never listen.”
  • ✅ “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard.”

This makes it easier for others to hear you.

Step 3: Practice Saying No

“No” is not mean. It’s a boundary.

  • “Thanks, but I can’t do that right now.”
  • “I’m focusing on something else.”

Step 4: Try It Out with Someone Safe

Ask a friend to role-play. Practice asking for help, setting a limit, or saying no. It feels easier when you’ve already said the words out loud.

Step 5: Remind Yourself You Matter

Keep short reminders where you’ll see them:

  • “My needs are important.”
  • “I deserve to be heard.”

Put them on your mirror, desk, or phone.

Step 6: Ask for Trusted Feedback

Check in with someone supportive:

  • “Do I come across too strong, too quiet, or clear enough?”
  • “What do you notice when I speak up?”

Use their feedback as information—not as judgment.

How to Make Assertiveness Part of Your Life

  • Set one small daily goal. Choose one moment each day to practice.
  • Celebrate your wins. Notice even tiny successes.
  • Pay attention to your body language. Stand tall, breathe, and keep your tone calm.
  • Keep learning. Take a class, read, or keep practicing in real life.

Final Thoughts

Being assertive is not about being bossy or rude. It’s about being clear and respectful—with others, and with yourself. Start small, practice often, and remember: your needs matter, and you deserve to be heard.