Use this to: decide what to use from a comment and how you want to respond to its delivery.
Try it
- Write the actual comment. Is it a specific observation, a preference, or a broad judgment about you?
- Assess the content. Is it accurate, relevant, and from someone with a useful perspective? Feedback can be relevant even when you did not request it.
- Assess the delivery separately. Was there shaming, insulting, or a repeated pattern of disrespect?
- Choose your response. Use relevant information, ask for specifics, set a communication limit, or leave the opinion with the person.
Example
“You’re so careless” gives little useful direction. You can ask, “Which part needs correcting?” If they identify a real error, you can correct it while also saying, “Please discuss the error without calling me names.”
Your next step: Complete: “The useful information is …. What I want to say or do is ….”