For many ADHD women, the hardest part is not knowing whether something sounds reasonable. It is remembering everything that a yes will require.
Before committing, check the full cost.
Capacity check
- Do I have enough energy for this?
- What else is already demanding energy from me?
- Am I already overloaded, underslept, sick, stressed, or recovering from something?
- Will this require emotional or social energy I am not accounting for?
Time check
- How long will the task itself take?
- Is there travel, preparation, setup, cleanup, or follow-up?
- What will I have to postpone or give up?
- Does this create a rushed transition before or after?
Executive-function check
- Will I need to remember multiple steps?
- Is the request vague or open-ended?
- Will I need to organize materials, make decisions, communicate with several people, or keep track of deadlines?
- Am I saying yes because I am underestimating the invisible work?
Emotional check
- Do I feel free to say no?
- Am I trying to avoid guilt, conflict, criticism, or disappointment?
- Am I hoping that saying yes will make someone like me, approve of me, or stop being upset?
One last question
If nobody were disappointed in me, would I still want to say yes?
If you need time, take it. A delayed answer is still an answer.