Boundaries for ADHD Women

Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW | Flourishing Women LLC

Understanding your needs and setting internal, external, and energetic boundaries.

What you will learn

This workbook explores what boundaries are, why they can be difficult for ADHD women, and how to set and support them in ways that fit your needs.

• Recognize different types of boundaries and where you need them.
• Understand how past experiences, expectations, and power affect boundary setting.
• Set internal boundaries using self-compassion, values, and practical supports.
• Use emotions, body signals, and needs to recognize a limit.
• Protect your attention and emotional energy through energetic boundaries.
• Practice communicating boundaries in relationships, at work, and online.

Use the workbook at your own pace

You can write, type, talk through a reflection, or make brief notes. Body awareness and group sharing are optional. Return to the sections that are useful as you practice.

Boundaries can support rest, safety, choice, and connection. You can begin with one area of your life.

What would I like to understand or practice?

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits that help you decide what you are comfortable with and how you want to be treated. They can involve your personal space, feelings, energy, thoughts, time, and belongings.

A boundary may involve a request, a decision, or an action. You might ask someone to stop commenting on your body, decide how much time you can offer, or leave a conversation that has become hurtful.

Boundaries help you make room for your own needs while relating to other people. They can support relationships by making expectations clearer and reducing overextension. Sometimes they involve limiting contact or protecting your privacy.

What boundaries can support

• Emotional regulation: reducing some of the demands or interactions that overwhelm you.
• Energy management: leaving room for rest, recovery, interests, and connection.
• Self-trust: taking your own limits seriously.
• Priorities: deciding where your time and attention can realistically go.

You can communicate a limit and decide what you will do. You cannot guarantee that someone else will respect it. Their behavior remains their responsibility.

Where would a boundary make more room for something I need?

Types of boundaries

These areas overlap. Use them to recognize what needs attention; you do not have to choose a perfect category.

Which areas would I like to explore?

Why can boundaries be hard?

Many neurodivergent women have not been encouraged to assert their boundaries. You may have learned that being agreeable, helpful, or flexible helped you avoid criticism, rejection, or conflict.

Family, cultural, and social expectations can reinforce this. If you were praised for putting others first, considering your own needs may feel unfamiliar or selfish.

Being corrected for your tone, movement, emotions, or ways of communicating can also affect how safe it feels to speak up. If you expect to be misunderstood, you may spend a lot of effort explaining or softening a limit.

ADHD adds practical demands

Planning, remembering, estimating time, and shifting attention can take extra effort with ADHD. You might agree before checking your capacity, forget a plan, or have difficulty stopping a task. Knowing your boundary and carrying it out are separate parts of the work. [1]

What messages did I receive about saying no?

When have I been praised or rewarded for overextending myself?

Power and privilege

Not everyone has the same freedom to set a boundary or the same chance of having it respected. Race, gender, disability, income, social status, and authority can affect what happens when someone speaks up.

A limit with a friend may have different consequences from a limit with an employer or someone you depend on for housing, money, or assistance. Neurodivergent women may also encounter pressure to comply or to communicate in a particular way.

Confidence and self-trust can help, but they do not remove these barriers. Consider the relationship, the likely response, and the support available to you.

Choose an approach that fits your circumstances

• Start with an action you can take or a request you can safely make.
• Use written communication, an ally, or a shared plan if that helps.
• Consider what resources or practical support would increase your choices.

If you fear threats, retaliation, or violence, seek individual support with safety planning. A direct conversation or immediate departure may not be safe or possible. [3]

Where do power or dependence affect my options?

What support would give me more choice?

Internal, external, and energetic

Internal boundaries: limits with yourself

Internal boundaries guide how you respond to your own needs, thoughts, emotions, responsibilities, and impulses. They include deciding when to stop working, allowing time for rest, and noticing when you take on responsibility that belongs to someone else.

External boundaries: limits with others

External boundaries clarify what you are willing and able to participate in, what you will share, and how you want to be treated. They can involve what you say and what you do.

Energetic boundaries: protecting attention and energy

Energetic boundaries concern how much sensory, emotional, and social demand you can manage. They often involve both an internal decision and an external limit.

These are useful ways to understand boundaries, rather than rigid or mutually exclusive categories.

Do I need a limit with myself, with someone else, or both?

Setting limits with yourself

Internal boundaries are a form of self-care. They help you decide how to use your time and energy and how to respond when your needs compete with habits, pressure, or other demands.

Examples of internal boundaries

• Allowing time to wind down in the evening.
• Limiting work hours so there is room for other parts of your life.
• Choosing when and how to use social media.
• Making food and drinks accessible and allowing time to eat.
• Making room for movement that works for your body.
• Protecting downtime, hobbies, and special interests.

Internal boundaries also involve responsibility

"Their feelings matter, but I do not have to fix them."

"I can rest even when someone else keeps working."

"I can check my capacity before offering more."

"I can stop before I am completely depleted."

Choose limits that respond to your needs and values. A boundary with yourself should support you, rather than become another standard to punish yourself for missing.

Which internal boundary would support me right now?

Why willpower is not enough

Advice to be more disciplined, motivated, or focused can leave you feeling ashamed when you cannot make a plan work. Wanting a boundary does not automatically make remembering, starting, or stopping easier.

You need strategies that fit your brain, body, circumstances, and current capacity. A useful plan can include a reminder, fewer steps, a change in the environment, or help from another person.

Approaches that can make it harder

A reminder may help you remember. You may also need help stopping, a manageable workload, or someone to share a responsibility.

What have I been expecting willpower to do for me?

Self-boundaries check-in

Mark any area where you would like more support. You can have a need even when meeting it is difficult.

One area I want to choose:

What need would a change in this area meet?

What have you tried?

Think about an internal boundary you have wanted to keep. Look at the approaches you have used and what happened.

Mark what sounds familiar

• Tried to become more disciplined or just get motivated.
• Shamed, guilted, criticized, or punished myself.
• Set a large goal or a strict rule that did not fit my life.
• Used a list or reminder without addressing what made the action hard.
• Ignored my capacity or compared myself with someone else.

What have I tried, and which parts did not help?

What did help, even a little?

What barrier needs a different response?

Self-compassion and values

Recognize what is difficult

Self-compassion includes acknowledging the effort involved and responding without attacking yourself. "I am finding it hard to stop. What would help me make the transition?" gives you something to work with.

Practice a supportive response

You might say, "I am doing the best I can with what I have right now," or "I deserve rest and support." Choose language you can believe. If a hand on your chest or another comforting touch helps, you can include it.

Connect the boundary to a value

Values are the things you want to give importance to in your life. A limit may support health, connection, fairness, creativity, autonomy, or time for something you enjoy.

For example, protecting an evening from extra work might make room for rest or a hobby. You do not have to justify the boundary by becoming more useful to someone else.

Allow adjustment

Treat a difficult attempt as information about the plan. Your circumstances may call for a smaller step, more help, or a different boundary.

A kind response I could use when I struggle:

The need or value behind my boundary:

Make your plan visible and workable

Externalizing means putting information outside your memory so you can find it when you need it. You might use a note, reminder, picture, calendar, or saved phrase.

Keep the information where the action happens

• Put your stopping time where you work.
• Save a pause phrase on your phone: "Let me check and get back to you."
• Keep a short list of current commitments beside your calendar.
• Write down the next step before stopping a task so returning feels easier.

Personalize the support

Use the format you will notice. A digital reminder, paper note, visual cue, or another person may help. If a support becomes background noise or adds effort, change it.

Personalize your self-care

Your routine can differ from other people's. Choose forms of rest, movement, food access, connection, and downtime that fit your sensory needs, interests, responsibilities, and resources.

Self-compassion, a meaningful reason, and practical support can work together. You do not have to rely on remembering and pushing through.

What will I put where I need it, and what practical support will I add?

Trying a new internal boundary

What boundary might I work on with myself?

My small, specific plan for this week:

How I will remind myself that my needs deserve attention:

How I will practice self-compassion if this is difficult:

The value or need behind what I am doing:

What I will make visible, easier, or better supported:

An internal boundary around rest

Boundary: I want to leave more time to wind down before sleep, rather than doing tasks until the last moment.

Use the example to understand the process. Your own boundary may concern food, work, social plans, interests, or another need.

Make the easy hard and the hard easy

This strategy means adding a step to something you want to do less automatically and removing steps from something you want to make easier.

For example, if you keep opening a social media app when you meant to do something else, move it off your home screen or log out. If you want more time for an interest, leave the materials ready to use.

Make the easy hard

Add a small barrier to an action that pulls you away from your chosen limit. Turn off selected notifications, put a device out of immediate reach, or use a website blocker during a chosen period.

Make the hard easy

Make the action you want more accessible. Prepare materials, reduce the number of steps, choose an activity you enjoy, or arrange support for starting or stopping.

These changes reduce how much you have to rely on effort in the moment. Choose them for their usefulness to you. Keep tools, stimulation, and connections that support your functioning accessible.

What do I want to make less automatic? What small barrier could help?

What do I want to make easier? What step could I remove?

Using the strategy with technology and work

You can also apply this to reading or taking a pause. Keep the book, audio, movement option, or sensory support you want nearby. Digital and paper formats can each be useful.

One technology or work change I want to try:

Using the strategy with daily needs

Rest and winding down

Make the easy hard: reduce the notifications or extra tasks that extend your evening.

Make the hard easy: have a familiar activity ready, prepare what you need, or use lighting or music as a cue if those help.

Food and water

Make the easy hard: make working through meals less automatic by adding a pause before another task.

Make the hard easy: keep foods you can eat and drinks you like accessible. Reduce shopping, preparation, or cleanup demands where you can.

Movement

Make the easy hard: interrupt long stretches of an activity when you want a change.

Make the hard easy: choose movement that fits your body and interests. Keep any useful equipment ready.

Downtime and special interests

Make the easy hard: pause before filling every open period with another commitment.

Make the hard easy: leave materials accessible and make room for activities you enjoy.

An environmental change cannot supply missing time, money, or assistance. A workable plan may also require fewer demands or shared responsibilities.

Which daily need would I like to support? What would make it easier?

What setting external boundaries looks like

External boundaries involve limits between you and other people. They protect your choices about your body, time, privacy, resources, and participation.

Some boundaries are communicated; others are actions you decide to take. Consider safety and any coordination needed. Leaving a job or relationship may require resources and planning.

Where would words, an action, or both help me set a limit?

Emotions as boundary signals

Your emotions can help you notice when something needs attention. Look at the feeling alongside what is happening, what you need, and what choices are available.

A feeling is a clue to explore, rather than proof of one explanation. A boundary may help, and other needs or sources of difficulty may also need attention.

Which cues do I recognize in my own life?

What boundaries would you set?

Use the emotional cues in the previous section as a starting point. You can also use an observable pattern or a situation you know is not working.

Which signs or situations resonate with me?

If the barriers to setting a boundary were not in the way, what would I want to change?

Would that involve an internal boundary, an external boundary, an energetic boundary, or a combination?

Given my actual circumstances, what is one possible first step?

Noticing your body and your patterns

Interoception involves how your nervous system senses and processes information from inside your body. This includes signals related to hunger, thirst, breathing, temperature, and other internal states. People differ in how clearly they notice and understand these signals. [2]

You may notice tension, irritability, or difficulty thinking before you recognize that a situation is too much. You may also recognize a limit only after an interaction has ended.

Possible clues to notice

• Tightness in your jaw, throat, shoulders, or chest.
• A sense of dread before agreeing to something.
• Rereading, losing track of a conversation, or finding decisions harder.
• Increased sensory discomfort, restlessness, or an urge to leave.
• Needing more recovery after an activity than you expected.

These clues do not always mean a boundary has been crossed. Consider the context. If looking inward is unclear or uncomfortable, use external information such as missed breaks, the length of a visit, or repeated interruptions.

You can respond to a need without a clear body signal or a precise emotion word. Noticing a limit later still gives you useful information.

What do I tend to notice first, during or after a demanding situation?

Using needs when feelings are unclear

Needs can help you recognize where a boundary would be useful. You might know that you need rest, clarity, space, or support even when you cannot name what you feel.

Alexithymia means difficulty identifying or describing emotions. [5] If that describes your experience, starting with a practical need may be more accessible than trying to find an emotion word. You can use this approach whether or not the term fits you.

Ask what would help

"I need more time to process."

"I need something to eat."

"I need the expectations written down."

"I need a break from conversation."

Understanding a need gives you information about a possible response. You might set a boundary, ask for an accommodation, change an arrangement, or seek help.

Needs and masking

Masking can include hiding discomfort or changing how you present yourself to meet other people's expectations. If you have often put those expectations first, asking "What do I need?" may take practice.

You do not have to know all your needs immediately. You can discover them through experience, reflection, trying changes, and noticing what helps.

Without having to name a feeling, what do I know I need?

Understanding different needs

These categories can help you explore what is missing or what you want to protect. Choose what fits your own experience.

The same need can be met in different ways. Connection might involve a short call, parallel activities, shared interests, or time together in a comfortable place.

Which need is being met well? Which needs more attention?

A fuller needs list

Circle, highlight, or choose words that fit. This is a list of possibilities, not a list of things everyone must want. You can add your own words.

My own words for what I need:

A word about Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, gives particular attention to feelings, needs, and requests. One useful part is learning to identify what you need and to make a specific request, while recognizing that the other person also has needs.

In Flourish, we can use that focus on needs while allowing for different ways of processing and communicating. You do not have to identify a feeling immediately or use a formal sentence structure to communicate respectfully.

Move from a need to a specific request

Need: "I need predictability."

Request: "Please let me know about a change in plans as soon as you can."

Need: "I need time to process."

Request: "Could you send the options in writing so I can think about them?"

A request and a boundary do different jobs

A request asks someone to do something. A boundary clarifies your own limit or action. "Please send the details today" is a request. "I cannot commit before I have the details" states your limit.

Understanding needs is a building block for communication. You can begin with a need phrase for yourself and decide later whether or how to share it.

A need I could turn into a specific request:

Practicing need phrases

Need phrases help you understand and acknowledge what you need. Start by using them for your own reflection. If you choose, you can also use them in conversation or turn them into a more specific request.

Simple need phrases

• "I need rest."
• "I need less noise."
• "I need space to think."
• "I need to be heard."
• "I need help."
• "I need more joy and play."
• "I need choice."

More specific need phrases

• "I need a quieter environment to focus."
• "I need more meaningful connection."
• "I need enough stability to know what to expect."
• "I need opportunities to learn and feel challenged."
• "I need room to express myself without hiding what helps me."
• "I need time alone before another conversation."

Two need phrases that fit me:

Knowing your needs and boundaries

Think about a recent situation where it was difficult to express a feeling or a limit. Use the needs list to explore what you needed.

The situation:

What I noticed, thought, or felt:

A need that was present:

My need phrase: "I need..."

A boundary, request, or support that could help:

Exploring and expressing needs

Look through the needs list. Choose one need that is being met and one that you are finding harder to meet. You can choose something simple, such as rest or fun, or something more specific, such as being understood at work.

What helps me meet the first need, and what gets in the way of the second?

What boundary, change, or support could help with the need that is harder to meet?

Optional reflection

What is it like to name a need? You might notice a thought, a feeling, a body sensation, uncertainty, or nothing in particular.

Share as much or as little as you want. You can write privately, use a general example, or pass. Listen to each other without assuming everyone has the same choices.

Your needs deserve consideration, including needs for movement, sensory comfort, processing time, and communication that works for you. You do not have to hide those needs to deserve respect. Learning what you need can take time.

Energetic boundaries and empaths

Energetic boundaries protect your attention, emotional energy, and sensory space. They help you decide how much interaction and input you can manage and what you need afterward.

Some ADHD and autistic women describe being strongly affected by other people's moods, tone, or distress. You may use the word "empath" for this experience. You might feel tense after an interaction, stay alert to someone's reactions, or lose track of what you need while focusing on them.

Here, energy means your capacity for attention, emotion, and activity. Feeling as though you "absorb" someone's mood can describe the experience of being affected by it; you can explore what is happening without assuming you know exactly what they feel.

Signs your energetic boundaries need attention

• You spend much of an interaction monitoring another person's mood.
• You keep listening or reassuring after you are depleted.
• You need more recovery after social contact than you have allowed.
• You find it hard to separate your feelings and needs from the other person's.

You can feel connected to someone and choose how much you are available for. Their distress does not create unlimited access to your attention.

Which people, settings, or kinds of interaction use the most energy for me?

Ways to protect your energy

1. Return to your own needs

Pause and ask, "What am I noticing? What do I need? How much can I offer?" If you have focused on others for a long time, give yourself time to find an answer.

2. Use physical space and disengagement

Move to a less demanding space, shorten a visit, change the subject, or end a conversation. Make room for time alone, special interests, and recovery.

3. Try a body check-in if useful

Briefly notice areas such as your jaw, shoulders, hands, or feet. You can use a guided body scan if you like it. Skip it if it is uncomfortable or unclear; movement or noticing the room may work better.

4. Use visualization as a reminder

You might picture a door, a bubble, or a dimmer switch to represent the limit you choose. Use the image to remind yourself, "I can listen without taking on every problem." Pair it with practical action when needed.

5. Choose a way to settle or recover

Try comfortable breathing, movement, familiar music, nature, silence, or another sensory support. Choose what helps rather than forcing a particular exercise.

6. Make regular room for restoration

Time for rest, enjoyable activities, and special interests can be part of your plan. Look at the demands that need to change as well as what helps afterward.

One practice I want to try:

What is mine to respond to?

You may notice that someone is tense or distracted and immediately wonder what you did wrong. Their mood might concern you, but you do not have to assume it is about you.

Separate what you observe from what you assume

Observation: "Their reply was shorter than usual."

Interpretation: "They must be upset with me."

What I know: "I do not yet know why their reply was short."

If there is a concern to address, you can listen and take responsibility for your own actions. You can acknowledge harm or repair a broken agreement without becoming responsible for resolving every emotion.

Examples of energetic boundaries

"I can listen for ten minutes, then I need a break."

"I am not available for a difficult conversation tonight."

"I need time alone after work before we talk."

"I will check messages when I have the capacity to respond."

What do I tend to take on when someone else is upset?

What helps me recover my energy and recognize my own needs?

Boundaries at work

Work can place constant demands on your time, focus, and energy. Boundaries help clarify what is manageable and where an expectation or arrangement needs to change.

Common challenges

• Taking on more tasks than you have capacity for.
• Frequent interruptions or last-minute requests.
• Emails and calls extending into personal time.

Examples and scripts

Workload: "I am at capacity with my current tasks. If this is the priority, what should be moved or reassigned?"

Focus time: "I am working on a project right now. Can we set a time to discuss this?"

After-hours messages: "I will respond during my next working day." If your role requires after-hours availability, clarify its limits and how that time is accounted for.

Supports that can help

Use calendar blocks, written priorities, or automatic responses where useful. Clarify how urgent requests are handled. If the workload remains unmanageable, identify what requires a change beyond your personal routines.

What work demand needs a clearer limit or arrangement?

What would I say or ask for?

Boundaries with family

Family expectations may include being available, organizing plans, solving problems, or managing other people's feelings. You can consider what you want to offer and what you cannot keep doing.

Common challenges

• Being treated as the person who will organize or solve everything.
• Having little time alone or time to recover.
• Having your sensory needs, routines, or processing time dismissed.

Examples and scripts

Emotional support: "I want to support you, but I am not available for this conversation right now."

Downtime: "I need some time alone. I can join you after dinner."

Planning: "Please check with me before including me in plans."

Shared work: "I can bring food, but I cannot organize the gathering."

Supports that can help

Keep a pause phrase ready for unexpected requests. Discuss who will take responsibility for shared tasks. A break may need a handoff when someone depends on you for assistance or supervision.

What is assumed of me in my family?

What limit or shared arrangement would help?

Boundaries with friends

Friendship includes connection, enjoyment, and mutual support. You can value a friendship and still have limits on your availability.

Common challenges

• Listening for longer than you can manage or rarely having space for your own concerns.
• Feeling guilty about delayed replies.
• Agreeing to plans that exceed your time, energy, or sensory capacity.

Examples and scripts

Listening: "I can listen for a little while, but I do not have the capacity for a long conversation tonight."

Replies: "I am not always able to reply right away. A delay does not mean I am upset with you."

Plans: "I would like to see you. Could we choose a quieter place or a shorter visit?"

Changing a commitment: "I agreed before checking what I could manage. I need to change our plan."

Supports that can help

Choose ways of connecting that fit both people. If reassurance or an explanation helps, you can offer it without promising more than you can provide.

Which parts of friendship feel supportive? Which feel unbalanced or too demanding?

What would I like to communicate?

Boundaries with a romantic partner

In a relationship, each person needs room for their own choices, limits, and support needs. Shared plans work better when those needs can be named and taken seriously.

Common challenges

• Feeling that you should always be emotionally available.
• Having your need for downtime, structure, or sensory support misunderstood.
• Overcommitting to shared activities or finding household responsibilities unbalanced.

Examples and scripts

Time alone: "I need some time to myself after work. Then I would like to spend time together."

Processing time: "I want to discuss this. I need a break first. Can we return to it at seven?"

Support: "I would like you to listen before offering solutions."

Body and consent: "I do not want that touch right now." You can change your mind about touch or sexual activity, including after previously agreeing. [4]

Make room for both people

Consider how to meet different needs. One person may need music and another less sound; headphones, separate spaces, or agreed times may help. A shared solution must respect each person's consent and safety.

What need do I want my partner to understand?

What could we discuss or arrange?

Boundaries in digital interactions

Digital boundaries involve how you use technology and how other people reach you or share information about you. They can protect privacy, attention, and time while preserving useful connection and support.

Common challenges

• Pressure to respond immediately.
• Spending longer online than you intended.
• Notifications interrupting rest, focus, or conversation.
• Others sharing your information without asking.

Examples and scripts

Response time: "I check messages when I have time to respond. I may not reply the same day."

Availability: "I am taking a break from messages this evening."

Privacy: "Please ask before posting photos or personal information about me."

Group chats: "I am muting this chat. Please contact me directly about plans I have agreed to."

Supports that can help

Mute selected notifications, change privacy settings, use optional app limits, or choose times to check messages. Keep needed accessibility tools and contacts available.

Which digital expectation or habit would I like to change?

What limit and practical support could help?

Your relationship boundaries

What situations in my relationships feel draining or overwhelming?

Which relationships feel unbalanced or one-sided? Where are my limits respected?

Where do I need more space, time, clarity, choice, or support?

What is one small boundary I could set or one arrangement I could revisit?

The same boundary may look different in different relationships. Consider the relationship, your capacity, and the practical choices available to you.

Five boundary formulas

These formulas offer different ways to communicate. Choose words that sound natural to you. You can be brief, warm, direct, or collaborative without using a particular tone or expression.

1. Clear but flexible

"I need [need] when [situation]. Can we agree on [action]?"

Example: "I need uninterrupted time to finish this. Can we agree on a time for questions?"

2. Assertive with a clear action

"If [situation], I will [action]."

Example: "If the meeting runs over, I will leave at the scheduled end time."

3. Direct with collaboration

"I am not comfortable with [situation]. I would like to find an arrangement that works for us."

Example: "I am not comfortable hosting overnight. Let us talk about another way to spend time together."

4. Request with an explanation

"I would appreciate [action]. It helps me [need or purpose]."

Example: "I would appreciate advance notice of family plans. It helps me check what I can manage."

5. Stating a limit with compassion

"I cannot [action] at this time."

Example: "I know this is important to you. I cannot take it on this week."

You can offer an alternative or explanation when it helps. You do not have to soften every limit, promise another form of help, or ask for agreement to decline.

Practice your boundary language

Choose one situation and a formula from the previous section. Write a version you could use in speech, text, or email.

The situation and the need behind my boundary:

The words I would use:

Is my limit clear? Have I offered anything I cannot realistically do?

Would writing, processing time, a saved phrase, or another support help?

What action could support the boundary?

Firmer boundaries

Some boundaries are decisions about what you will do. They can be useful when a request has been ignored, negotiation has not helped, or the limit is not something you want to negotiate.

You do not have to try a softer approach first in every situation. Choose an action that is proportionate, realistic, and safe for you.

Keep the focus on your own action

"I will not share my passwords" protects your privacy. Demanding another person's passwords controls their privacy. Calling something a boundary does not justify threats, surveillance, or isolation. [4]

You may decide on an action without repeatedly announcing it. Communicate changes to shared plans when it is safe and practical.

Pausing, guilt, and pushback

Give yourself time before agreeing

"Let me check what I can manage and get back to you." Include preparation, transitions, and recovery when you assess a commitment. Having time available does not always mean having capacity.

If you already said yes

"I agreed before checking my capacity. I need to change the plan." Let others know as soon as you can, and discuss shared responsibilities that need rearranging.

If someone keeps asking

"I have thought about it. I am not available."

"This is what I can manage."

"I have explained my decision. I am not discussing it further."

If guilt or doubt appears

Pause before offering more. Consider whether you broke an agreement or caused harm that needs repair, or whether someone is disappointed with a limit you still need.

You can apologize for how you spoke while keeping the limit: "I am sorry I snapped. I still cannot take on the extra task." You can also revise a boundary when circumstances change.

Threats, intimidation, or retaliation call for support with safety. Repeating a script is not a substitute for that support. [3]

What would help me keep a needed limit or make a considered adjustment?

Boundaries and the Flourish model

Boundaries draw on skills we practice throughout Flourish. They bring together how you understand yourself, respond to your needs, and communicate with others.

Self-trust

Take your experience seriously. You can recognize a limit even when someone else would choose differently. Self-trust also includes learning from experience and adjusting your understanding.

Self-compassion

Respond to difficulty without shame. A missed limit can help you identify what needs to change in the plan or support around you.

Self-accommodation

Design around your brain and body. Use reminders, sensory changes, fewer steps, processing time, recovery time, and practical assistance where they help.

Self-advocacy

Communicate a need, request, or limit in a form you can use. You might speak, write, prepare a script, or ask for support in a conversation.

Taking a need seriously can begin with a small action: a pause before agreeing, a break, a written request, or a change to an expectation.

Which Flourish skill would most help with the boundary I am practicing?

Boundary script mapping

Choose one real or hypothetical situation where expressing a boundary is difficult. You can work privately or discuss it with another group member.

1. When this happens, I usually respond by...

2. When I consider a different response, I notice... (a thought, feeling, body cue, or pattern)

3. The need I want to respond to is...

4. A boundary statement or action I could try is...

5. A support that would make this easier is...

Discuss or practice if you want to

Read your statement aloud, talk through the situation, or role-play with a partner. Notice which words and supports are useful. You can pass, stay seated or move, and use written communication.

Internal, external, and energetic boundary map

Use this map to connect the different parts of one situation. Your cues may be thoughts, feelings, body sensations, or observable patterns.

My internal boundary and a clue I can notice:

My external boundary and a clue I can notice:

My energetic boundary and a clue I can notice:

What will help me respond when I notice a limit?

Practicing boundaries as self-trust

You have explored boundaries with yourself and others, the needs behind them, and supports for following through. Choose one area to return to over the next week or month.

What boundary do I most want to strengthen or make more workable?

What signal, pattern, or unmet need tells me it needs attention?

What words, action, or support will I try?

After trying it: what helped, and what was difficult?

What did I learn about my needs? What will I keep or change?

Each attempt can give you information about what fits your life. You can keep learning about your limits and ask for support along the way.

Sources and further reading

The resources below provide background on ADHD, sensory differences, needs, and relationship boundaries. The exercises are for reflection and discussion.

[1] Adult ADHD

National Institute of Mental Health: ADHD in Adults: 4 Things to Know

Background on attention, planning, remembering daily tasks, and support for adult ADHD.

[2] Sensory processing

National Autistic Society: Autism and sensory processing

Describes varied sensory experiences, including interoception, and possible supports.

[3] Boundaries and support

love is respect: How to set boundaries

Guidance on expressing and respecting limits, with access to advocacy support.

[4] Personal boundaries

love is respect: What are my boundaries?

Examples of personal limits, changing boundaries, and the distinction between boundaries and control.

[5] Understanding emotions

Autistica: Alexithymia

Background on difficulty identifying and describing emotions.

Needs and communication

Center for Nonviolent Communication

Further information on NVC and its approach to feelings, needs, and requests.

© 2026 Flourishing Women LLC. Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW. Educational material for the Flourish group.